I lost my soul ~ A #Poem

August 2016

I have been reading my old posts and poetry for a good two months now and I start to see how much has happened in these last 5 years. Often I wrote about how I lost my soul, or that I feel I have many lost souls inside of me.

Dissociation is one way of dealing with trauma and for me, it feels like I lose myself and just some part of me is watching what my body is doing. I think it is time to accept that what happened had a deep impact on me and my feelings connected with the events in my youth are actually pretty dramatic. That is the reason why I have tucked them away nicely. Well, it was hard work to manage that and it needed the best part of my teenage nights to get there.

I succeeded and no matter how much of a problem this behaviour is now for me it saved my life and I start to be proud of myself and proud of the little girl I have been who has managed to contain all those feelings. And I gain an impression that my latest problems might rather be a sign that I am becoming one rather than falling apart.

We will see what is the truth of this 🙂

July 2011

I lost my soul

I lost my soul
not to the devil
but to my
own salvation.

I lost my soul
along the way
it broke
in 1000 pieces.

I lost my soul.
I lost my soul.
Where will I find it?

I will not stop
to search and seek
in life or death!

It will be
in a summers night
where lovers
softly whisper.

It will be
in a winters night
where mothers
softly murmur.

It will be
in the spring’s
soft day
where flowers
bloom and flourish.

It will be
in the autumn’s day
where leaves
let go of sadness.

I lost my soul
but I will find
it
sure as
seasons turn

 

Morning Pages ~ 20 things to discover about myself

 

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